i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
