So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
