It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
