I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
