I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
