this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
