in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Screwed.edu
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
