It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
