Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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