is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
