Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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