Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
