well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
