I just threw up on my dentist
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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