Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you didnt know i had herpes?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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