I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
