no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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