My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
one might say we're banned from that church
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
