Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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