If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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