so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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