I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
