she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
