We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Don't judge me 👊🼠his dick just whispers my name
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
