I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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