I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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