and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
