what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
