He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
