my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Randomize