So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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