How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
