The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
