First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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