I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
