Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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