So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
