YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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