I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
