I have demons in me.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
