CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
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