Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
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