never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
