I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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