Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
