Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You're like the curious george of whores
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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