you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
