his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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