People in love make me want to vomit
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I need to sanitize my soul.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
