you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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