I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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