...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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