My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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