i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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