He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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