I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
