I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
