I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The beers last night were like the tears from god
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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