I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
