Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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