I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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