That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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