But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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