If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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