This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
