actually, I'm a sock model
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
