I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
