grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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