babies were throwing up all over the place
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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