I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
