nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
