If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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