I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
