where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
