Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize