i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
