i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize