Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Buhtt sex?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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