So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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